Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Waddlemania

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Season 1: Episode 4

The Order becomes wrestlemans, fights each other, makes gimmicks, and gets interviewed.

Cast (in order of appearance): Honstlar, Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, EDITED Video Greg, Senor Cardgage (voice only), Coach Z, Gfdgsgxgzgdrc, Coach E, SRMX12, Strong Sad, The Announcer, Homsar, The Umpire

Places: Pillquarters, Gymnasium

Date: Sunday, April 30, 2017 - Thursday, July 27, 2017

Running Time: 9:43

Transcript

{Open to a scene from the previous episode}

HONSTLAR: Now let's hear frooom... SRMX12!

{Cut to SRMX12's spot, which is empty}

HONSTLAR: Earth to Brother SRMX12! Where is he?

COACH Z: Whort's this about Syore Mix-A-Lot?

HONSTLAR: Oy, this guy. No offense, Sister E.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thewe he is! {"points" to the wall}

HONSTLAR: It's just a wall.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, were you just doing that so you could quote that stupid movie?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pretty much.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: STRONG BAD! Don't talk about that movie like that! He'll get to us... Let me undo any damage by saying: COOL CAT IS COOLER THAN PAPA CARDGAGE'S PUDDIN' PATCH!

SENOR CARDGAGE: {from a distance; upset} Where is Tompkins... where is coleslaw... here I am.

HONSTLAR: Thanks for the save, Brother Greg! We were almost a Broternal-Order-of-Different-Helmets-and-a-cat sandwich!

{Cut to a wide shot. Crickets chirp.}

STRONG BAD: That was not funny.

{SRMX12 walks in}

HONSTLAR: Okay, let's move on! We should advance our reach by creating a BODH stable in AWMPSCE! We'll be as famous as both The Shockmaster and Rocky Miavia rolled up in a Mr. America tortilla! But what should our individual gimmicks be? We can't start as our own dang selves!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Ooh! I could be, um, "The Guy With Two Hats"! My gimmick would be that I would wear two hats all the time! Or maybe I could be "The Guy With A Shoe Taped To His Face", and have a shoe taped to my face... all the time. Alternatively, my wrestling gimmick could be "Stampy Two-style". I would... um... be... like... doing stuff... like saying "Stampy Two-style". Repeatedly. That's a good gimmick! ...Right??

HONSTLAR: Oh! Maybe you could be The Tongue Twister! You know, cause nobody can pronounce your name, right?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Hey, that's a great gimmick! I can't even pronounce Gfrgsd... Ggfdsj... Grgzdrc... my name. And my signature wrestling move could be... the Tongue Twister 5000, in which I jump into space, grab a meteor, ride on it back to Earth, spin around several times in a cool-style way, and throw it at my opponent whilst I do my victory dance! I'm not sure how exactly to do that yet, so I'll need a bit of practice.

HONSTLAR: But what should my gimmick be?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Why don't you be... uh... Strong Bad? Oh wait. That name's taken already. I guess you could be Coach Z then. That's a good wrestling name, isn't it?

HONSTLAR: How about Waddlem'n? Because I waddle when I walk. I could wear a shirt that's the same color as the one I already wear, but it would say "wrastle". And my finisher would be "Edgardo's Choice" which consists of a spin kick, a top rope jump, a complete 360, an Atomic Leg Drop, and an "I-Don't-Have-A-Claw Mandible Claw".

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: That's a great idea! Together, we'll team up and form... the "The-Tongue-Twister-And-Also-Waddlem'n-Trio-Starring-These-Two-Guys-Called-The-Tongue-Twister-And-Waddlem'n! ...Team!". So, when's the tournament?

STRONG BAD: Me being a veteran crafty ring veteran, I know AWMPSCE's schedule inside out! It's in a couple of seconds.

ALL: A couple of seconds?!

{Everybody, everybody runs to the Gymatorium}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

{Gardenboy slowly walks towards the ring}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Making his way to the ring...

{Honstlar, in full Waddlem'n mode, grabs Gardenboy and throws him offscreen}

STRONG SAD: Douglas!

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} From out of nowhere, weighing in at two-hundred and tooty-two pounds, Waddlem'n!

{Waddlem'n gets in the ring}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} And his opponent... weighing 19 pounds or tons, it's The Tongue Twister!!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Wait, we're opponents?!

HONSTLAR: Yeah, The Jack 'Em Up Kid canceled at the last minute. Said something about a club or something.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Okay, this might hurt a lottle.

{Bell rings}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} The fight begins!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {attempts to jump into space and grab a meteor but fails, hits the ground and sustains a terrible head injury}

HONSTLAR: {sitting with his feet up on a table, drinking water with an umbrella in it} I think I'm winning!

{Honstlar finishes the drink and walks over to Gfd and stands him up. He "punches" Gfd in the chin.}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Ooh, an uppercut!

{Honstlar then performs "Edgardo's Choice". Gfd starts choking before pausing.}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: That's one tasty sock!

{Gfd returns to choking, then faints}

THE ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} The shoulders are down!

{Honstlar then goes for the pin. Coach Z in a black and white striped tracksuit runs to the ring and slaps the floor.}

COACH Z: One, two, tree!

{The bell rings again}

THE ANNOUNCER: Here is your winner, Waddlem'n!

HONSTLAR: Yes!

{Cut to backstage. Gfd is lounging near the snack machine, looking good as new. Honstlar walks in.}

HONSTLAR: We need to cut a promo to show that we are a team and— wait, where are the others?

{"Pomp and Circumstance" plays as EDITED Video Greg enters, wearing an Andre the Giant/Trashman singlet, a toga and those things people with togas have in their hair, and Plankton's antenna}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's my character. I'm Ivyboy. My gimmick is that I went to college.

{The music stops. Honstlar and Gfd stare dumbfounded.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, it really is the most fantasticmagiorial thing I could think of.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Anyone want a half-eaten sock?

HONSTLAR: LOVE the gimmick, just love it! But, what about SRMX?

SRMX12: {walks in} 12! You're not pronouncing the 12! My number is just as important as my letters! What's this about gimmicks? I love gimmicks! I can do the gimmickiest of gimmicks in the history of gimmicks. I can be the Three Different Wrestlers— and my gimmick is that I'm secretly only one wrestler. The wrastling ring won't know what hit it! Then there's my signature move— the Supreme Four-Point-Seven. I don't know what it involves yet, but what my opponent doesn't know won't hurt them!

HONSTLAR: Ohhh. Mick Foley styles. Noice! And sorry about the lack of 12s. Now, all we need is our own entrance music like Ivyboy. Got any ideas?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Is mayonnaise an entrance theme?

HONSTLAR: I think. Is it?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Then my theme is mayonnaise!

{Mayonnaise starts playing}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: What about you, Honst— Waddlem'n?

HONSTLAR: Either "Medal", Hulk Hogan's old theme that turned into a Bonnie Tyler song, or "We're All Together Now". What about you SRMX12? What theme would you use?

{SRMX12 thinks as the Final Jeopardy music plays}

HONSTLAR: Is this your music?

SRMX12: No, it's not my entrance music, it's my thinking music!

HONSTLAR: Oh.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: May I propose Dust Devil by D-Code? Maybe your gimmick could be The Adult Swimmer, you obsess over cartoons that have had barely any new activity in years but somehow still have fans. ...I just got chills. I feel like I made some sort of poignant comment...

{Music finishes}

SRMX12: I've made my decision!

EVERYONE ELSE: Hooray!

HONSTLAR: So, what's your entrance theme?

SRMX12: It is...

{Dramatic music}

SRMX12: ...a song!

{Music ends}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yes, we know, but which one?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I can help with suggestions if you'd like! Personally, if I were you, I'd go with that ol' '70s classic, "Bread is a Good Time (For Me)".

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {pops into screen dressed up as the Jack 'Em Up Kid} Hey, that's already my theme!

COACH Z: I'd choose my newest hip single, "One Two One Two, One Two One Two, And I'm Out"!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Izzat the name or the lyrics?

COACH Z: Both! It's like two moist towels crampled up into one moldy lacker!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Yeah, I'm just gonna walk away now. Slowly. And backwards.

HONSTLAR: How about "Because, It's Midnite"?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {singing painfully off-key} I GOT THE WINGS OF THE LIONS, AND THE HEART OF SOME STUFF BECAUSE IT'S SOMETIMES!!

{Everyone covers their ears in pain}

HONSTLAR: Never. Sing. Again.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Sorry, I couldn't remember some of the words.

HONSTLAR: Now we are ready! Now let's cut a promo!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: The cameram'n has arrived!

{Cut to Homsar, upside down, holding a camera}

HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAah'm the warm laundry in the shoe pile!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sewiously, Com Com, that guy is fweaky deeky!

HONSTLAR: He ain't heavy, he's my brother! Sort of.

{Cut to the Announcer and the BODH standing in front of the blue curtains with the golden WWF AWMPSCE logo}

THE ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to meet the oddest stable to barge into AWMPSCE territory, the... what's your name again?

HONSTLAR: The BUTTKICKING Order of Different Helmets!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Hey, we never agreed on that. I thought we'd call it the "Gfd-is-Great" Order of Different Helmets or something. Rolls off the tongue! ...Twister.

HONSTLAR: Can we talk about the name after the promo?! ...I mean WELL YOU KNOW ANNOUNCERMAN? We are psyched!

THE ANNOUNCER: Excellent!

HONSTLAR: We here at the... Well, you know, are about to make a mark not only in AWMPSCE, but in all of sports entertainment! Am I right, guys?

ALL: Yeah!

HONSTLAR: Now, I'm not the only talker, take Ivyboy for example. {passes the mic to Ivyboy}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Umm... word talk?

{Cricket noises}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Let me try that again. {clears throat and begins to speak} Catch Ivyboy in "Sorority Going Down", this Friday only on Cable Music Channel.

{Awkward silence. Honstlar whispers to Greg.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: ...What do you mean it's not that kind of promo? All right, let's try this again... is wrestling a sport? I never quite passed high school athletics, does this count as valid credit? {passes the microphone to Gfd}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: So, whats I say?

HONSTLAR: Just, you know, talk about yourself, your wrestling techniques, how happy you are to be part of the tournament... stuff like that.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I like pancakes. {pause} That's all I have to say. It's what defines my personality. In fact, that'll be my wrestling slogan. "The Tongue Twister — I like pancakes!" Man... that sounds so cool.

HONSTLAR: Oookay, now let's hear from the Three Different Wre—

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Hold on hold on! I'm not done. I also like socks. Especially when they're filled with butter. They have such a sweet, moist, sweaty flavor... Okay, now I'm done.

{Cut to the rest of the BODH, who are all confused and/or traumatized}

HONSTLAR: Okay, that was gross. Now the Three Different Wrestlers get to talk!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: ...He seems to be gone. I'll take over. Not like he specified what three wrestlers. {takes the microphone and prepares to speak}

THE ANNOUNCER: Well there you have it, wrestling fans, the newest stable taking AWMPSCE by storm? Stay tuned for more info...

{The camera stops rolling and The Announcer leaves}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: OH COME ON!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Nooo! Come back! I was just about to explain all the condiments you could use on melted gym socks to enhance its pungentness!

{Greg gives Gfd a shocked look}

HONSTLAR: The nerve of some people! Randomly ending the interview before Greg could say a thing...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: But I told the guy—

HONSTLAR: That doesn't count!

THE UMPIRE: {walks in} What do we have here?

HONSTLAR: Oy, this guy.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: What do you want, Manilla-Paper Man?

THE UMPIRE: I run AWMPSCE now for no real reason and I want you to work for me and become an official stable.

HONSTLAR: Really?

THE UMPIRE: Uh... yes.

HONSTLAR: Finally, I can fulfill my childhood dream of becoming a pro wrestler!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I'm not sure about this. I mean, what's in it for me?

THE UMPIRE: Uh... you getting paid to beat the crap out of people on TV?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Okay, I'm in.

{The Umpire pulls out a contract out of hammerspace. The only thing written on it is "I be a wrestler."}

THE UMPIRE: Just sign here.

HONSTLAR: {picks up the contract and signs it} We're in!

{Everyone jumps in the air and freezes, then SRMX12 walks in eating a sandwich.}

SRMX12: Hey, what did I miss?

{Cut to a screen reading "END."}

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