Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Helmet Quest

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The movie poster.

Helmet Quest is an in-progress animated cartoon created by the Broternal Order Of Different Helmets. So far, some planning and some of the script is finished.

Description

The BODH and some other characters search for the mythical Golden Fedora which will make their dreams come true! (Or just 15 cents.)

Cast: (Note that these are not yet final.)

Places: The Bar, The Field, Factory/Circus District, Ancient Temple

Date: Monday, May 1, 2017 (development), Unknown (release)

Running Time: 165 lines


First Draft

Please note that this transcript is not final. BODH members, feel free to edit any part of it however you think is best.

{A "SPECIAL" logo appears on the screen and spins a few times as it zooms in. As this happens, it turns from blue to pink.}

{Music starts playing in the background. Fade in to the wall of Pom Pom's basement, with a dartboard that says

A total cartoon style by the BODH

Pan left to a white poster that says

Voices by Brody Anderson, Gfdgsgxgzgdrc, RasterOfMandomness, and SRMX12

Pan down to a soggy napkin that says

Animated by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc

Pan right to the table, which has

Music by SRMX12

carved into it. Zoom out to a shot of the entire basement. The "Helmet Quest" logo flops onto the screen. After some time the logo disappears and the credits on the dartboard, poster, napkin, and table fade out, as Honstlar wearing his helmet walks in from the right.}

HONSTLAR: Ladies and gentlemen! Or... gentlemen and, like... no ladies! I've gathered you all here for the most important thing I, Supreme Overlord Honstlar, have ever announced!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What is it?

{Honstlar pulls up a Lappy and sets it on the table.}

GFD: A computer?

HONSTLAR: No, it's what is on the computer-style that I found!

SRMX12: That's my laptop, isn't it?

HONSTLAR: Everyone, pay attention! This is the important part.

{He turns on the Lappy, which has "SRMX12's Laptop" written in the corner. A map appears onscreen.}

HONSTLAR: While I was searching for tickets to the Limozeen world tour, I discovered this map which hides the ultimate treasure...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Let me guess, a cardboard box that says "Gwamamola"?

HONSTLAR: No, and furthermore, no. That used to be the ultimate treasure until Gfd ate it. {sadly} Sniff. I'll never forget you, cardboard box.

GFD: {eating a cardboard box that says "Gwamamola"} Seconds, please?

HONSTLAR: {back to normal} Ahem. What was I saying? Ah, yes. The ultimate treasure. It is the greatest helmet ever woven!

SRMX12: You don't mean?

HONSTLAR: Oh, I mean!

{He presses a key on the Lappy, revealing a picture of a fedora hat made entirely out of gold. An angelic choir can be heard as the camera zooms in on the Lappy's screen.}

HONSTLAR: The mystical, mythical, magical Golden Fedora!

SRMX12: The legends are true!

HONSTLAR: Now, Brother M.X., would you please to be giving us the backstory of this magnificent helmet?

SRMX12: {Slow zoom-in to SRMX12 as the screen fades into the story} Legend has it that a tailor found a spool of magical golden thread and used it to create a hat of great power. But, to make sure no one would use it for evil, he hid it in a mysterious land untouched by time and space. It is said that whoever has the hat will have all their dreams come true!

{Cut to Honstlar}

HONSTLAR: Or just fifteen cents.

GFD: Wow, that is one long backstory!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I hate to rain on your parade, telephone-game-name, but why do we want a fedora? Aren't those things associated with... you know... still living with your parents, eating Frito-Lay like you drink water, getting way too excited when you get verified on Twitter, all that stuff?

HONSTLAR: I always thought it was associated with whips, booby traps, and melting faces.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Do we even know if it actually grants wishes?

HONSTLAR: That is exactly why we are going to find it! We will travel the land, discover new allies and enemies, and boldly go where nobody cared enough to go! So, who's with me?

GFD: I totally am!

SRMX12: I was born to find that hat.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Sure, I got nothing better to do.

ALL: Yeah!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: But, how do we get there? One does not simply walk into where-this-hat-is-at land.

HONSTLAR: {pulls out a button not too different from the dooj button} We do this! {presses button with mallet}

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Concept art of Pom Pom's house

{Zoom out to a shot of Pom Pom's house. It is a giant pill similar to the Isle of Pom. It starts shaking and starts floating off the ground. Wheels come out of the side, it tilts sideways, and floats back on the ground. Cut back to the BODH who somehow are not tilted sideways. A steering wheel appears in front of Honstlar.}

HONSTLAR: To the hat!

{Cut back to the Pill-mobile. It speeds offscreen.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How long has Pom Pom's house been able to turn into a car?

HONSTLAR: Always, like the pool, and the school elevator.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh.

SRMX12: Does Pom Pom even know?

{Cut to Pom Pom sleeping on the couch. He has bellybutton lint headphones on.}

POM POM: {Snoring}

{The Pill-mobile stops at the Drive-Thru Whale}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Don't wander about. Have you tried our trash compactors lately?

HONSTLAR: Lemme get a manilla cheese Coke and a Thick-or-Treat! Does anyone want some food before our grand adventure?

GFD: 'Scuse me, do you have nineteen hundred pizzas?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: The water fountains are now fully operational.

GFD: I'll take twelve!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Would you like to try our flied sour cheese?

HONSTLAR: Heck yeah!

SRMX12: I want a Sloppy Joseph, and some Chipotle Potato Nudules, animal style.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: What flavor sesame seed?

SRMX12: Seventeen!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Would you like a side of combustible prawns?

GFD: Sure!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Please leave your spare cash in the mummy's tomb.

{Honstlar throws a wad of cash at the whale's mouth and the whale fires the food out of its blowhole. It teleports onto the table.}

HONSTLAR: Keep the change.

{The Pill-Mobile drives down the highway. Cut to the Drive-Thru Whale.}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Coupons are considered illegal in no less than 25 countries.

{Cut back to inside the Pill-Mobile}

HONSTLAR: Okay, first stop, Old-Thymey {pronouncing "th" as spelled} Land?!

SRMX12: I think your map is incorrect.

HONSTLAR: But it was written by Il Cartographer the Third!

STRONG BAD: I'm the Il Cartographer! I didn't scribble that garbage!

HONSTLAR: I said Il Cartographer the third. You're Il Cartographer the First.

STRONG BAD: Wait, does this mean I have grandchildren?!

HONSTLAR: Apparently. Now, to Old-Timey Land!!

GFD: So... this thing can travel back in time?

SRMX12: Why do we need to travel back in time anyway? Isn't the fedora in the present day?

HONSTLAR: Yes, but the first clue to the password required later on has been lost to the test of time.

GFD: But still, time travel, how we do that?

{Honstlar pulls out VCR remote}

HONSTLAR: Cuz', you know I all the time come prepared!

{He presses rewind on the remote and the scene rewinds. The Pill-Mobile pops into Old-Timey land.}

HONSTLAR: Here we are! {hops out of the mobile} Greetings, Earth-man. We have come from the future.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. A futurem'n.

HONSTLAR: Where can we find a key to the Golden Fedora?

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: That shiny headgear? Well, if anybody knows about hats, it's my good flying buddy The Honstlar Waddler.

HONSTLAR: My ancestor? Cool!

SRMX12: You can't meet your old self. If you do, the world will explode!

HONSTLAR: No, it won't! My future self came over a few hours ago for dinner.

2-UP: {pops up from the left of the screen} Hey guys. {goes back offscreen}

ALL: Oh.

GFD: After conducting some scientific calculations in my head, it seems that the world will not explode if you meet your ancestor or otherwise affect the past in any other way. However, it has come to my attention that doing so could potentially affect spacetime and cause an intertimensional paradox, therefore preventing us from causing the event, which would rip apart the fabric of time and space causing the universe to collapse in on itself and implode, destroying all life. Although it might not, since this hypothesis has never been tested, so it is there is still a likely chance that this will not happen. So, I think it's a good idea.

{Everyone looks at him with shocked faces}

GFD: I'm still hungry. Anyone have some toothpaste? Or a pair of shorts with ranch-flavored icing?

{2-Up pops back into the screen and hands Gfd a pair of shorts with ranch-flavored icing}

GFD: {eating} Mmm... crunchy...

{Everyone slowly backs away}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I wonder what my old times version was like... maybe he was an alchemist?

{EDITED Video Greg's Old-Timey counterpart, Collage Gregory, enters}

COLLAGE GREGORY: Salutations there, modern self! My name be Collage Gregory!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, this is a letdown.

{Old-Timey Strong Bad has been watching these events through a periscope. Cut to Old-Timey Strong Bad, Strong Man, and The Sneak.}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: What's this about a Gold Hat? If we get it before the Technicolour twits, we can buy the planet!

{Cut to an exterior shot of The Honstlar Waddler's house}

SRMX12: Should we knock?

{EDITED Video Greg knocks on the door. as he knocks, doorbell noises are heard}

GFD: Man, even in the past, Honstlar was strange.

{The door opens revealing Honstlar's Old-Timey counterpart.}

THE HONSTLAR WADDLER: Hellote?

HONSTLAR: Um... uh... eh... Somebody help me, I don't know what to say to myself!

{Everyone looks confused.}

HONSTLAR: I mean my Old-Timey self!

GFD: {steps forward} Ahem. Greetings, future man. We have come from space to destroy mankind.

{cricket noises}

GFD: ...Or something like that. Wait, what are we doing here again?

HONSTLAR: {whispering} We're trying to get the first clue to the password required to get the Golden Fedora!

GFD: Oh.

HONSTLAR: Heh... sorry about that, past me.

THE HONSTLAR WADDLER: What's this about a fedora?

SRMX12: We're trying to find the Golden Fedora— Maybe you can help us.

THE HONSTLAR WADDLER: Oh, the clue! What has many but only just eight, and spawned the one who roams with you that thinks he is so great?

HONSTLAR: Mmm, many but only eight? Eight... eight bits! An NES game!

SRMX12: An NES game spawned one of our members?

STRONG BAD: That sounds vaguely like...

GFD: Where the name "Strong Bad" came from!

HONSTLAR: You mean Tag Team Wrestling?

THE HONSTLAR WADDLER: Yep! Just say the name of the wrestling team at the great cave door and you're set!

ALL: Yay!

HONSTLAR: Let's get playing!

{Cut to inside the Pill-Mobile. An NES is hooked up to a TV. Honstlar starts playing and footage of the game is seen. Honstlar wins and a screen saying "Winner Is Ricky Fighters" appears}

HONSTLAR: Yes! TO THE TEMPLE!

{Cut to the BODH walking towards a temple that has an Olmec on it.}

OLMEC: Who dares disturb my slumber?!

HONSTLAR: It is I, Honstlar of the Waddler clan, who seeks the knowledge of the Fedora.

OLMEC: Do you have the code?

GFD: Yes, "Ricky Fighters".

OLMEC: Oh crap, I never expected anyone to guess a code that obscure! You may pass.

{A door opens revealing the Golden Fedora on a pedestal.}

HONSTLAR: This is the moment we have been waiting for!

{Honstlar puts fedora over his propeller-Viking-bowling cap. The Golden Fedora starts glowing and Honstlar starts floating.}

HONSTLAR: {excitedly} We did it! We found the helmet! Now all of our dreams will come true!

{Cut to SRMX12 reading the carvings on the wall.}

SRMX12: Actually, it says it only grants one wish.

{Cut back to Honstlar.}

HONSTLAR: Crap. I wish it didn't work like that.

{The Fedora flashes white light that covers the screen, and the scene with SRMX12 reading the carvings repeats but with different dialog.}

HONSTLAR: {excitedly} We did it! We found the helmet! Now all of our dreams will come true!

{Cut to SRMX12 reading the carvings on the wall.}

SRMX12: It says that an unlimited amount of wishes can be granted by the hat to whoever is wearing it.

GFD: Let's test it!

{Grabs helmet from Honstlar and puts it on himself.}

GFD: I wish Senor Cardgage was here!

{Senor Cardgage pops into the temple.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Haldo, Garbledina, how donk I grab here?

GFD: So cool!

HONSTLAR: Well, we did it! Now let us celebrate back home! 'Cause this hat belongs in a museum! I mean in the emergency fund vault!

SENOR CARDGAGE: You'd better grave the pigeons before the sun go drown...

{Cut to a shot of Pom Pom's house at sunset, back where it was at the beginning. Then cut to the inside which is covered with party supplies and everyone is celebrating.}

GFD: Now I would like to dedicate this speech to the guy who got us in this style, Honstlar!

HONSTLAR: I think that's me!!

GFD: Ahem. Four score and seven years ago...

SRMX12: {whispering} Wrong speech.

GFD: Oh. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

SRMX12: {whispering} Still wrong speech.

GFD: Sorry. {clears throat} Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—

SRMX12: {whispering} How many times are you going to do this?

GFD: Okay, I give up. Greg-man, you do the speech.

{Old-Timey Strong Bad appears out of nowhere}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Not so fast, you blabbering buffoons!

GFD: Gasp! Strong Sad's ghost has come back to haunt us! We surrender!!

HONSTLAR: Old-Timey Strong Bad?! How did you get to the future?

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: I stowed away on your motorized medication!

HONSTLAR: Man, why do you people from the '30s always talk like weirdos?

{Strong Man punches him, knocking him towards the wall making a Honstlar-shaped hole.}

HONSTLAR: {weakly} FoRgEt I sAiD aNyThInG.

GFD: What will we do now?!

TEXT: TO BE CONTINUED...
IN SEVERAL SECONDS.

{Honstlar jumps out of the hole with the Golden Fedora.}

HONSTLAR: We do this!

GFD: Honstlar, what are you doing with the helmet?

SRMX12: Don't do what I think you're gonna do!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Don't be stupid!

{Record scratch}

HOMSAR: Don't eat the window mill when it's paining outside!

HONSTLAR: I'm just gonna ignore that.

{Honstlar puts the hat on}

ALL: No, no, no!

HONSTLAR: I wish Old-Timey Strong Bad and his motley crew were in a cardboard box that says "Gwamamola"!

{A box marked "Gwamamola" appears over the Old-Timey characters}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: {slightly muffled} Drat, double drat, and triple drat!

{A black-and-white swirly thing appears.}

GFD: What just happened?

HONSTLAR: {imatating Aku from Samurai Jack} I tore open a portal! {throws the box through the portal} And I flung them into the past where... {normal voice} not that much is different.

SRMX12: Welp, I don't know about you but I think need a break.

HONSTLAR: Agreed. Therefore, we shall conclude our meeting with our frothy, shanty chant!

ALL: Ever and more, ever and more, ever and more... Singing ever and more, ever and more, ever and more...

HONSTLAR: One more time!

ALL: Ever and more, ever and more, ever and more!!

{A blip is heard from the Lappy. SRMX12 looks at it and finds another map.}

SRMX12: Hey guys, up for finding the Platinium Porkpie?

HONSTLAR: You know it!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Totally!

GFD: Me too!

ALL: Yeah!

{Honstlar winks at the screen.}

{Fade to a dark gray background. A silhouetted Viking helmet with "end." written on it in white letters splats on the screen. After five or so seconds, a fake autoplay thumbnail appears: "74 Ways to Make Waffles b/w Shark-Tooth Bubs".}

Easter Egg

{Cut to Old-Timey Land, where there is a cardboard box.}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: I can't believe we lost! {pause} You're right The Sneak, Strong Man should try to make a cavity from inside this container.

{The box jumps and shakes.}

STRONG MAN: Ugh...

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Mark my words, Purple Pinhead, there will be a sequel and we will ha— {As he speaks, Sir Unpronouncablesworthingson walks in from the left.} What are you doing sir?

{Sir Unpronouncablesworthingson picks up the box.}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Put down this corrugated cube!

{Sir Unpronouncablesworthingson "opens" his "jaw"}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: NOOOOOOOOOO!

STRONG MAD: {simultaneously} Aaaaagh!

{Cut back to the end screen.}

Bonus Features

Del-cheated Scene

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's an alchemist?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: One who turns organic material into... different organ material.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: You suppose they could turn my dang ol' rotting Halloween candy {pulls a Dry Meal bag full of melty candies from hammerspace} into... witch's brew?

{Strong Sad and Homsar appear in tent with Witch's Brew shirts}

STRONG SAD: Twelve years can draw to a clo-ose!

HOMSAR: AaAAaaAaAh closed the mayonnaise jar last Wednesday.

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • This is the first toon to acknowledge the fact that Gfd and Honstlar are cousins.

External Links